Thursday, May 2, 2013

Stay confident

Welp, the hiking trip has been postponed this weekend.Thanks to some unforeseen circumstances we will have to reschedule for another time. I am both relieved and disappointed. I will sadly admit that I am relieved because I am no where ready to actually go on a three day hike with 30 lbs on my back for 30 plus miles. I was hoping I could, I was training to, but the reality is I'm just not strong enough yet. In fact, I hurt my leg and my knee trying to push myself to be able to. (Moral of the story, don't push yourself too hard. Know your body limits. But keep training.)
My injury is nothing new, it's actually an old injury resurfacing. I was afraid of that. My injuries however is not what changed the hiking date.

I am disappointed, but I am disappointed in myself. After all this hard work, I was giving up even before I tried. Mentally I was telling myself I couldn't do it when at the end of last week I realized I was just not physical ready. After that it was like I was talking myself out of it every chance I got. I hate that about me. My insecurity and my fear get in the way of me doing a lot of wonderful things. And that was kind of the point of this training/trip. I wanted to prove to myself that I CAN do something like this. That our bodies are capable of so much. I wanted to see how strong I can be as a person but emotionally, physically and mentally. And I failed at it.
At least this time I did.
But I won't stop. I will keep training. Keep trying. If it isn't this time, it could be next time. And this will give me more time to build muscle and endurance.
I just have to beat my "mind sludge" that pollutes my confidence. That I think will be my biggest and hardest work.

Hopefully one day I can...
Until then I won't let myself give up. I will just take it easier and work harder at the same time. I will not just throw such heavy weight on my back and hike, I will gradually keep building up.

I can do this.
I just have to convince the rest of me. lol.

So obviously my training has been slacking this week do to my mental defeat and my injuries... but also my dog happened to get sick this week so I've been spending my time taking care of him and being with him. (That is one good reason this weekend we aren't going, I get to take care of him)

But though physically I've been lazier than norm, I have been writing more again. I didn't really realize how much time training was taking up, until this week of "no training"

So I just finished a draft for my fifth children's book that will be published next week and made some progress on my zombie book. I can't wait until this zombie book is done. I'm in the final chapters and its the hardest ones to write, but the most eager ones you WANT to write. So it's kind of frustrating. But slowly but surely I am getting there and I CAN NOT wait for the chance to share it will all of you.

Well, "that's all folks"
I got some writing to do :)

"Stay confident!"

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